Sycaday, 18 End of Spring

Shameless.


That's how I feel right now - absolutely shameless.  I should be embarrassed at the very least, but all I can do is think about how perfect his arms felt around me, how... how absolutely right it felt to rest my head on his chest... how sweet those dreams were.  I love him so.  There.  I said it.  I don't know if he intends to speak to papa or not, though.  He... he is so unusually silent on that topic.  (Of course, I don't bring it up either, do I?  I couldn't bear to hear he's changed his mind...) But last night... If I'd not been so tired, I wouldn't have done it, but now that I've done it, I regret nothing.  Nothing.  Not any more.  Not since he... died.  I'm going to spend each moment with him without worrying.  It's not worth it.  Who knows how long we'll even have?


And to think it all started with honey!


I wonder where Flaern's been?  The darling man is just never around enough, though I can hardly blame him for that with the pack and his political goals.  I really should do more to help him.  I wonder, just how  much can I do without risking papa's good name?


And the Lord Captain - Kelindel, since he insists so avidly.  It's good to have a friend, but I have to say I was... ahhh I don't have to say it.  We had an interesting talk last night of history and weapons and I do hope he was serious about making that dagger for me.  Of course I'll pay for it.  I can't encourage gifts like that, at this point.  They send wrong messages all over the place.


Maybe I'll ask him to make me a matched set...  They'd look lovely with my new green and gold dress.